Saturday, December 29, 2007

Find me the man who invented birth anniversaries!

Ten reasons why I place birthdays on the top of my list of ‘the most disconcerting days of the year’.
1. You realize you are one year older than what you were same day last year.
2. And 4 kgs heavier!
3. You pick the morning’s paper and a cruel reality confronts you in the face- that you share your birthday with a certain president of the country about whom you had bitched generously in a post not too long ago ( destiny can be extraordinarily peevish sometimes).
4. The rule of the day is to be happy. You cannot cry or sulk or whimper. Mood swings are a strict NO-NO this day.
5. You get tired of eating cakes and getting them smeared on your face. Yet the routine seeks a repeat telecast every 4 hours.
6. You are aware of people around you conspiring for the last one week planning surprises of various kinds and you study every action of every person with suspecting eyes wanting to beat them at their game but fail in spite of all your efforts.
7. It’s a pain in the **** unwrapping presents specially when your friend insists that the wrapping paper be intact and that you show some ‘respect’ to her efforts and sentiments by unwrapping it meticulously! Chick, who gets the respect here? You or the wrapping paper? - think about it!
8. You place all the phones in the house by your side at 11: 50 with anxious anticipation wondering who will wish you first on your birthday this time and suddenly it begins to ring. Congratulations! You just had your first greeting. Unfortunately it happened to come on the wrong day. If only her watch was not ten minutes fast!
9. Distant relatives call you on your birthday and wish your sister!
10. With every passing year the teaser, ‘chhori bees/ikkis/baees (whatever) saal ki ho gayi bhai! Ladka-vadka dekhna shuru karo!’ gets louder and more resonant. Your confusion whether you should blush or laugh increases in proportion to the frequency of the teaser.

I’m not complaining really, everyone likes attention... it’s just difficult to reign for a day when you are not used to being the queen!

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Bigger B

It was long due. I doubt how many people were actually sent into a state of shock at the assassination of the president of the PPP ( pakistan’s people’s party) Benazir Bhutto. Most would have seen it coming… The state of turmoil in Pakistan has just worsened after yesterday and a tragedy it is for Pakistan for Musharraf is emerging as the scapegoat in the entire drama.

Without intending any insult to the memory of the lady who lies buried at Larkhana sahib from today, my conviction stands stronger today than yesterday that Musharraf is the best thing that ever happened to Pakistan and democracy will be the worst thing that can happen thereto, very contrary to the lady’s beliefs. Musharraf is as die hard a nationalist as they come and the only non corrupt leader to have lead the country since its notorious inception in 1947. The only blemish on that man’s record from a pakistani’s point of view is the manner in which he usurped power. Ignoring that one fact, he has been as able an administrator as that country can afford and has protected it like a father. He might not have been best friends with his counterparts in India and probably even extended gestures thereto only in perfunctory terms, but his very presence at the head office of our most precariously poised neighbour was a boon in disguise for India, came though it did with its price.

And all the propaganda lately surrounding the prospective elections, whenever they may now take place, is leading to an ill advised advocacy of the failed western ideals of democracy in a place where they are extraordinarily misfit.

Pakistan shares its borders with Afghanistan and the scale at which arms are treated in that goner of a country coupled with ‘people’s rule’ in the former would mean a terrorist attack every second day in Pakistan and every 3rd day in India. And things are not going to stabilize for a long time now. Meanwhile Pakistan will remain caught in the quagmire and the question resonating since yesterday “ what's next for pakistan?” is something neither a nobody nor a somebody can predict with any certainty.
In the not too far future, however, this is what I predict:
1) Musharraf will be assassinated in the next 2 years for he has become too much of a liability on America and on his own people.
2) Imran khan will emerge as the new leader of the country probably heading the country 5-6 years down the line.
3) India will, albeit too late, realise its responsibility towards its neighbour and extend its support as Big Bro and a mitigation of the tensions between the siblings will ensue.
4) The real rationale behind Al Qaeda’s claim of bibi’s assassination will emerge to replace the ‘only a fool would believe it’ reason given by the organization-‘because she was a very close friend of America’!.
5) The people of Pakistan will get some sense into their heads and then maybe they could deserve a democractic government.

Yesterday, really, was just a humbling start to a long struggle. May Allah give them the strength. Amen.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Chak de India!

Baari barsi khatan gaya si!
khatke le aandi aari!

pehle angrez!
fir afriki!
fir kangaroo!
te ab pak de vi faari!!!!

burrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

chak de fatte!!!

Cricket- the biggest file!

Oh yeah! We have it! A cricket world cup after 24 years! India has etched its name into cricketing history, having won the maiden Twenty20 world cup! And the frontrunners of this victory are nothing short of demi-gods for the populace of this country now for cricket is not a sport. In this subcontinent it is a phenomenon. And it metamorphoses into a fever, when two countries, co existent with a nearly six decade long relationship of hostility and cautious contrivance, compete against each other in this sport.

What is the sport indicative of to be recipient to such a status, distinct from the other sports? Cricket enjoys popularity pervading all sections of the society. To consider cricket as an unproductive activity may deem you to be a non-patriot. It binds the country together in a way the national holidays have ceased to. After all, independence has been achieved. But a new cricket match between the parent nation and the child nation means a fresh challenge, a challenge to insist that the parent will always be superior to the child, and the challenge for the child to exhort the development of his identity. And this insistence on a nationalistic identity finds acquaintance in all ages because cricket is youthful. The young thus connect with it, the younger see their future in it, the old see their youth in it. Because cricket is one game that every boy in the country plays, it is the national sport above the indigenous products like hockey, polo, chess or badminton.

It may have been a while since some violent upheavals occurred at the grounds and the crowds may appear well behaved, but no Indian still supports the Pakistani team. If he does, he is deemed to be an outcast, and this is when contingent betting is considered as a thing of the past, or so it seems. The 20000 plus people seated at the rims of the grassy grounds and above that, and some millions who sat glued to the television from the stroke of the clock at 5:30 to the fading of the lights at 9 are more than just spectators. They are participants of the game, to whom the victory of their team matters more than it may to the players themselves. The atmosphere in the stands is exuberant, actual festivals may not seem worthy of the festive spirit of the occasion, classroom and office gossip may cease to relate to anything other than Dhoni’s locks and yuvraj’s swearing and the like for the next week and a half, the soaps ratings’ may be recording a low, the essence of the phenomenon is that the victory is addressed in the first person plural rather than being credited to just the Indian cricket team. The victory in the game is seen more than a victory of its national heroes, it is seen as the victory of the nation.

Victory in cricket is seen as the victory of the nation and a defeat as the nation’s defeat, even when the sole sport may not even be a coherent indicator of the failure of efficacy of the nation’s sports administration, leave aside it being representative of the entire country’s machinery. But then such symbolism is only momentary. What drives this passion amongst the populace of the two countries is that unlike the existent history of the two countries charachterised by hostility and coldness, the cricket ground is one where there are results. A victorious result is reason for celebration and a defeat is enough quid pro quo for frustration manifesting itself into violence and other condemnable forms of heat, light, sound and muscular energy.

The cricket ground is a miniature representation of the aspirations of the two countries’ populace. Each wants victory. None can tolerate defeat. The leaders have just to realize such, and deliver a result where both are victorious.
Till then who is to deny that an Indo-pak match with drinks, snacks and friends is fun to watch? And it’s a double treat, when its with a win! Way to go India!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

16k it is!

Its sweet sixteen baby! The sensex today crossed the 16000 mark and went stronger into the day to close at an all time high of over 16200 after an intra- day trading of almost 600 points. The question now remains, however, just how long is the saccharine gonna retain its sweetness.
The market has seen volatile trading for a long time now and the rally over the last 7 and a half weeks which led to the 1000 pt increase was charachterised by as much. A 20 % change in the index from the opening mark, which leads to a close to the day’s trading means as much as 3000+ pts change at the 15000+ level. Below the 20% level, there is no mechanism to check volatility and given the latest predominant bullish trend in the market and its increasing tendency to react sharply to even minor developments in the national and global markets, this development was long overdue. In fact, the 53 days that the last 1000 points leading to the 16 K mark took seem like an inordinately prolonged period for such a run.
However, it shall not come as a surprise to many if the sensex touches the 17000 mark within the week. Given the recent speculation about the central bank announcing a cut in the bank rate, for market experts across the country and around the globe are of the opinion that there is an increasing credit crunch in the country and that the rates have been high for a very long time, and especially in the light of the fed bank rate cut of 50 basis pts announced yesterday, even decent trading of about 200 to 300 pts up at the end of the day should do the trick. Also, expected to contribute to this bullish run are the dark horse stocks, those that did not participate in the run up to the 16k mark and are trading lower than their usual trading levels, but are fundamentally good stocks, even expected to grow better.
Despite the volatility, the asian economies are growing fundamentally stronger by the day, even as the fed bank in its statement expressed concerns about the direction in which the American economy is heading. Experts throughout the world vouch for the fact that its in asia today where all the big money is. However, what degree of correlation can be attributed to the incredible rise in the sensex and nifty vis a vis the growth factor will become clear in the following weeks.
Meanwhile the age old investment advice holds even more promise today- invest in fundamentally sound companies and do not get carried away by volatile and sharp market sentiments. For in the long run, one may expect the front runner stocks of this rally to get cheaper because a correction in the market is long overdue and such high volatility in the markets at such high rates will be hard to sustain. Quick money, however, is on the cards for the smart and agile players.
Till then, its sexy sixteen!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Orkut treats

Some personalised friend requests can be really amusing. Here's a sample:

Hai Nalini, So You Looks very Interesting Personality by your Profile , Your way of writing words & attitute & Specialy by your Community....When I saw The Community that is "Military Technology"...You're the first on my eyes Nalini , that a Girl like this Community & She's from India thats really very impressive...Thats why I need to know you & Want you to be my Orkut Friend..
But if you truely like me as your Orkut Friend too....So First you've to take clear & deep look into my Profile , Pics , Specialy My Commnunity...Its must be given you a cleart views about me , who I am , what I need & Want from a Person whos in the Orkut & why Im inside the Orkut , My taste...everthing that essentials for knowing the person truely by words....

Now its upto you Nalini...what you gonna do

Mr. X (name omitted)

ROTF! I am a person who generally admires hard work.. inspite of that Mr. X , if you ever read this post, i am really sorry i couldnt bring myself to accept your friend request

Friday, July 13, 2007

just passing by

Courtesy can assume ridiculous forms. Take this example of passing communication for instance.

I was descending the staircase after class. I saw a girl climbing the stairs my way. There was no one else in the vicinity. She looked at me. I looked back at her. She didn’t look away. I smiled at her. She smiled back. I smiled back again. She greeted me, “Hey! How have you been?” I replied “Good! What’s been up with you?” She replied, “Usual, catch you around later anyway… Gotta rush for a class”. I bade her farewell, “Sure, see you around later”. We crossed each other. She left for the class and I left for the grounds.

And I am almost certain that neither of us knew the other.

Monday, June 18, 2007

What you saying, woman????

“I think the purdah system should be abolished”!!!. Oh dear! There goes the dodo.

I wasn’t really too excited by the prospect of Pratibha Patil being made first citizen of my country because of some instincts which were inexplicable to me then. She just had to open her mouth and make some noise for me to dawn upon the realization that my instincts had already unobtrusively comprehended the irrepressible truth- that there were no brains behind all the big talk.

Her first public utterance after being chosen by the U-Pratibha-Alliance as the nominee for the post of the president was audaciously characteristic of self flattery- one that seemed to hail the decision of the ruling party coalition of having chosen her. What cheek! And then you go as far as asking age old traditional customs to be abolished in a night’s hours.

I confess that I have a proclivity of siding with the conservatives generally. Disregarding that too, in the pure spirit of enquiry, I wish to ask what essentially is wrong with the purdah system? In countries like England and America, it has, of course, come to be identified with a suspiciously-eyed, even hated, community- the Islamists. So much is the attention even the Sikhs attract, as much as does every brown man or a black man. I, for one, trust human ingenuity enough to believe that it can identify a south asian or an east asian, for example, rather comfortably, even without a burkha or a pagdi or a kimono. We are different races of people all over the globe and all races have physical charachteristics typical of them. Thereby, even as the question of the burkha or the pagdi being prospectively banned in England sounds perverse to me; the suggestion of my probable president, Pratibha ji is something I simply I cannot digest.

The purdah is a tradition that has not harmed any woman till date. I fail to see what this lady is trying to arrive at.

She calls her nomination a big step for the women in the country. I am not too sure too many women think so. I, for one, don’t.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Let's play

The guardian quick crossword, appearing 6 days a week in the Hindu, has been one of my favourite spaces in the newspaper. Unlike the Sunday crossword, I do not end up developing a ‘I – know- nothing’ complex after solving the crossword. Quite often I end up filling in all the white boxes (albeit many a time wrongly) and what follows is a sense of complete elation at having beat the crossword at its own game.

The crossword is after all one impish gamer.It dodges you and you chase it. And when you think the chase is almost over and there's just one clue left to decode, it throws at you a googly. Try which way, you can solve that clue only by stepping into the shoes of the troublemaker. Take for example, the clue that reads: ‘old sphinx (6)’. You have just one letter of the word from a cross word (s_ _ _ _ _). You break you head, search up all your neurons, still finding nothing you decide to make use of technology (yes! After long moments of debating whether or not to give the final credit of solving the crossword puzzle to the artificial world, you decide in its favour) and wiki arrives! But alas, wiki doesn’t give you any synonym for the sphinx.

You google and you arrive at no results either. What in the world was the sphinx called earlier and why in the world does wiki not know that, and If wiki doesn’t know it, and nor does google, then how in the world do they expect someone to decrypt the clue? A mania of sorts grips you and an obsession to outbeat the crossword. And that’s just where it ends. The crossword has won.

The next day you inquisitively pick up the paper and turn first to the second page of metroplus ( and without first having a look at calvin and hobbes), frantically look for the answer that dodged you all of the previous day. ‘sphinx’. You read and you re-read aghast. You are angry. And then suddenly you are amused. Of course! The old sphinx was never called anything else. It was always the sphinx. Wiki knew the answer after all. And so did you all this while. But the crossword won because it played while you competed. There’s a fine line between the two but what makes all the difference is which side you choose.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Master of the game

Long family lineages remind of Sidney Sheldon. If you fail to see the relation, most probably you have not read ‘Master of the game’. The only masterpiece of Sidney Sheldon and his only work I would recommend. It happens to be the first Sheldon I had read and all his other books after that seem to me to be scripts of C grade A rated movies. And no, Master of the Game’s no book you’d give to an underrated child still. It does have a generous demonstration of Sheldon’s most prized art (else, how in the name of Merlin, would his books sell?), but as a bonus, this one also has a soul thats not prostituted. It’s a wonderful tale spanning three or four generations, I forget how many, and has insightful accounts of various kinds of human personalities and how their interplay defines destinies.
It’s a pity Sheldon exhausted his genius with one book.

Love your family!

It’s all about loving your family! Who’d know that better than Rahul Gandhi? Maybe, Karan Johar. But its not Karan’s family the country is interested in, and the country doesn’t comprise all of film industry sychophants, who flatter him and are all praises for his 3rd grade movies, only made on a kingly budget, just to get a chance to act in his ‘annual blockbuster’. I thought even Ekta Kapoor outdoes him after I sat through half an hour of KANK! (coincidently, it even rhymes with Skunk.. poor creature! )
Him and those stalkers aside, its Rahul’s family that we are worried about. Fool us once, fool us twice, but his family has played the same trick for four generations and want us to be fooled everytime. What fools! Those self abnegating individuals, having been forced to take up the office of the highest executive of the country for four generations! By Merlin! That makes my country sound handicapped!
Nehru hesitantly became the prime minister (Gandhiji was the citizen deemed for the popular honours), Indira didn’t have a political inclination and joined the fray only for the good of the country ( and what good she did!), Rajiv was a happy go lucky pilot, not bothered about politics at all. Sonia was forced too, but didn’t accept the office, smart girl!. The old trick would have become rather too patent!
And then isn’t Indira Gandhi the one who had made oh, so many bloody mistakes- the most criminal being the Emergency? She is also infamously rumoured to have killed her son. I do not know about the veracity of the last rumour but most of her contemporaries would probably swear by it.
I can gladly say thus, that I am no Indira fan, even though I wasn’t even born when she ruled our country, to know her politics too well. I wasn’t born even during Nehru’s days, but I have come to admire him immensely as a passionate idealist and a human from the little literature that I have read of his and about him. There’s not much literature on Rajiv though, but people’s accounts of him are often praiseworthy and he seems to have been a committed prime minister. His wife’s, however, turned out to be no nationalist- Indian definitely not, Italian I don’t know. She was the one who didn’t want Rajiv to make his foray into politics, he did it and yet did she. And what was the reason espoused by her? – to raise congress back to its past glory. Not once did she speak about Indian interests. The only preoccupation of her mind seems to have been to preserve her family legacy- and that legacy is the party. Its all about the family after all. Rahul’s no alien to that blood.

Sorry boy! I don’t hate you. But I am not too fond of your family- blame it on the womenfolk.

oh, Merlin!

Oh, Merlin!! NO dear, he is not a creation of J.K Rowling. Her books do not even tell his story. They just use his name as most wizards do. He is a fictional legend ( the earliest instance of his name is in the works of Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historia Regum Britanniae, as Merlin Ambrioses) who is reinvented again and again. Some use him as their villain, some name humanitarian societies after him. It all boils down to convenience in the end. I prefer to know him as a frivolous sage(yeah! Talk of paradoxes!) and best read him through these lines:

*Of Merlin wise I learned a song,
--Sing it low, or sing it loud,
It is mightier than the strong,
And punishes the proud.
I sing it to the surging crowd,
--Good men it will calm and cheer,
Bad men it will chain and cage.
In the heart of the music peals a strain
Which only angels hear;
Whether it waken joy or rage,
Hushed myriads hark in vain,
Yet they who hear it shed their age,
And take their youth again.

*-MERLIN'S SONG by RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Thursday, April 19, 2007

By Merlin!

she: by Merlin! why by Merlin?
I: why not?
she: what do you mean by by Merlin?
I: by by Merlin I mean 'by Merlin' and 'By merlin!'
she: by Merlin! You mean it!
I: In Merlin's name I do and Merlin does so too!